A Letter to Someone

This time I’m supposed to write a letter to anyone I like. I think I will write a letter as my Doctor Who role playing character to their significant other. They were on a mission that went a little sideways. My character ended up being separated from their friends and significant other and ran into the Doctor and some other people. My character, Ydheell, writes letters to Kohren, their significant other about their travels as a way of coping with the guilt that is gnawing at them. Here is one of them.

Dear Kohren,

I do not feel good about the way I acted today. I was really rude to a girl called Hailey. Although, for my defense, she was really mean to Alexis. I’ll tell you all about it.

I was already a little down as we descended into 21st century London. We had just recently said goodbye to Crescent and the crew and I missed them. It’s a little like missing you and the twins, although I know I can still call Crescent if I miss them too much. And I know they are happy and free. Yet I still miss them. I tried not to get so attached, but somehow Crescent and their salty ways wormed their way into my heart.

Anyway, we ended up in 21st century London, like I said. We hadn’t been there for long when we ran into this girl. She was wearing this weird science-pun t-shirt. I think I could’ve liked her if she wasn’t such a bitch almost from the start. We had barely even introduced ourselves when she already accused Alexis of being a cyborg! And no matter what we said she wouldn’t believe us. We even got a scientist to prove Alexis is not a cyborg and she still wouldn’t listen! She just continued being mean to Alexis. And you know how I feel about people assuming things just because of how somebody looks or where they come from. And I especially don’t like when people are mean to my traveling companions friends. As you know, I’ve grown quite fond of them. I admit, I was mean to her too, like telling her to go fuck herself but I was angry.

And then, when we were leaving, she snuck into the Tardis! Which, in itself is quite impressive. I mean, she snuck past the Doctor! But still, she could’ve asked…Although, I feel like we would’ve said no to her joining us. So maybe it’s better that she just snuck in. Although I still don’t approve. Now I have to live with her. At least she had the sense not to try and sleep in Crescent’s hammock. Anyway, that’s enough venting, I know what you’d say. “Try to be nice”. I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything. So, on to more pleasant things.

Teela, like the idiot she is went on a swim on the Thames. The water was really murky and disgusting. Something you not be swimming in. She got some information for us though, so I guess it was worth it.

We got to meet some interesting people too. We also got to see the Unit headquarters! It was cool. They had many neat gadgets. I also got to hug some Earth trees! I was a bit angry, so I thought it would help me relax. Although some people called me a hippie when I hugged that tree. But I think I read somewhere that that was a common word for tree-huggers in 21st century Earth, so I let it slide. I don’t think they meant it as an insult, just a word for my weird behavior.

The Doctor was acting a bit weird. Although he was a bit depressed to begin with what with our latest adventure and having to condemn a fellow Time Lord to live as a human.

We also called Crescent. I don’t know if they’re missing us as much as we miss them. Although we don’t know how much time has passed for them. Crescent wasn’t sure either. But Crescent has their crew so I think they’re okay. They told us to be nicer to Hailey. I think I’ll try. For Crescent. And for you, because I know you would say I need to give her a chance. So I will.

I miss you.

Love, Ydheell.

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You Never Wanted Me

It had all been a lie. Marcus can’t believe he fell for such an obvious lie. But I guess anyone could have gotten distracted by the pretty girl spinning those lies. He blames himself for losing his focus. Well, he’ll just has to do some extra work to make up for the time he lost chasing a dream of a pretty girl loving him. It will not take long, what will take time however, is gaining his self-respect back. Although I will help him the best I can.

The other kids in high school would never let him live this down. He was a loser kid who had thought a popular girl would actually care about him. Here’s how it all happened:

It all started rather slowly, first came the smiles and random acts of kindness to a boy who was used to being ignored by the popular kids. She started smiling at him when they passed each other on the halls or when they caught each others eye in class. At first he tried to ignore it, but when she didn’t stop, he finally smiled back.

That was like an invitation not only to the girl to sit next to him or speak to him, but for the popular kids to pick on him. And he had done such a lovely job of not getting picked on since freshman year. For a long time he thought the time spent with her was worth the bullying but then, one day he heard a conversation between two of her friends.

“I don’t believe she gives that loser the time of day”

“I know! I mean she needs to stop or she’ll damage her reputation”

He had never thought of the impact their tentative friendship would have on her, he’d been too focused on himself. Now he was a nice person, even though he loved those little moments spent with her, he didn’t want her to become a pariah among her friends just for hanging out with him. He was ready to sacrifice his happiness for her to have her reputation. The next time she tried to talk to him, he ignored him.

The final nail to his coffin was when she told him that she didn’t care about her reputation, that he was worth more. That was the moment he started to fall for her. And that was his doom.

They started to hang out more and more and soon he was totally besotted with her. She seemed to like him too, and that is why he trusted her when she asked him to come to a party with her.She even took him shopping when he admitted he had nothing to wear.

When he got to the party, wearing the blue button-up and jeans he had bought with her, he went on a search for her. He did find her, however, it was not what he had expected. There she was, talking to the biggest bully of them all. And that wasn’t all, she was kissing him!

“You know you did a brilliant job convincing the loser that you like him” the guy says when they come up for air. That was all Marcus needed to hear, so he started to make his way toward the door.

He had hoped to make a clear exit, with no one noticing him, but of course that didn’t happen.The other bullies must have spotted him making his way out, because they came to stand before him, blocking his way. He tried not to make a scene, but the guys weren’t having any of it.

“Look who’s here” one of them, Jake, said as he took a handful of Marcus’ shirt in his fist.

“Yeah, it’s the loser who has a puppy crush on Jamie” another, called Tom, snorted.

“Did you actually think that a girl like her would see something in a guy like you” this earned a laugh from some of the other kids gathered around them by now.

They ridiculed him for a while more, until he saw her standing in the group and yanked himself free from Jake’s grip and the he just ran, ran out the house and all the way home.

The next day at school, he kept a low profile, up until the end of the school day when Jamie finally cornered her in front of his locker.

“Marcus, please let me explain” she pleads.

“What?! That you were just playing a cruel practical joke on me? That you never wanted me!” he shouts and pushes her away before he runs away.

He didn’t let anyone see his tears, well, anyone except me.

 

 

Your Lips Taste Like Sangria

Tonight is the night I will finally do it. I had promised I’d make my move and today I would finally do it. I had waited for years, and tonight the wait would finally be over, for better or worse. When this night is over I’ll either have the girl of my dreams or I’ll have lost my best friend for good.

I look at her, laughing with her girlfriends. She’s so beautiful, I can’t even find the right words to describe her. She looks my way and waves me over. I go, and soon I’m emerged in a group of laughing girls.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with us girls all on your own. The guys were supposed to be here already” she says as I reach her.

“I don’t mind as long as I’m with you” I answer.

“Aww, that’s so sweet” I faintly hear one of the girls gush behind me.

“Thanks for being here. I know you have a lot of work to do”

“It’s your birthday, of course I’m here” I smile.

Our chat is cut short by the guys coming through the door quite loudly. As the guys gave their greetings to her, I got roped into a game of darts and it was many hours before I had the next chance to talk to my best friend. I was celebrating my win over all the guys when she finally found me again in the crowded bar.

“You won!” I can hear from her voice that she’s a little tipsy.

“Guess I did, now where’s my price?” I joke.

“What would you like for your price?” was she flirting with me?

“Would a kiss be too much?” I ask, and she doesn’t even bother to answer me, she just kisses me on the lips.

“Your lips taste like sangria” I say as we finally pull out of the kiss.

“Yours taste like beer” she says, smiling and kisses me again.

“I love you” I finally let myself be honest after we pull apart again.

 

 

I Know You’re Never Coming Back

Today I went to our tree, I sat there for the longest time and could almost feel you next to me. A couple times I could have sworn I heard your voice whisper in my ear, but every time I looked around, you were nowhere to be seen. Many people passed by, but they didn’t give me a second glance. I could still clearly see the heart we carved into the tree. I tried to get closer to you by climbing to sit on the branch we used to sit on.

On my way back home I walked by the graveyard, so I decided that I’d come and visit. You know, tell you how I’m doing. And to remind myself of the fact that you’re never coming back.

Because, I do know you’re never coming back, but I still can’t help but perk up every time my phone rings or the door opens, waiting for you to come through. I still watch all of our favorite shows and when I hear a good song all I wanna do is tell you about it. I miss my best friend. I wish I could believe that we will see each other again someday. But since I don’t believe in God or afterlife, I know I will never see you again.

I wish I could just get my heart to listen to my brain, because it hurts so bad.

I Could be There in Five

“You know I could be there in five if you need me to” Dylan said on the phone.

“I don’t  know..”

“You sound like your upset. I’d be an awful brother if I didn’t come”

“I don’t want to be a bother”

“You’re not a bother. I’ll be there in five” he says and hangs up the phone.

It’s late, so I’m already wearing my PJ’s but I’m not gonna change because Dylan’s my brother and he doesn’t care. I decide to put the kettle on while I wait for him to arrive. After I put the kettle on, I sat in my armchair and read a book. As the kettle whistled, I started to wonder where Dylan was. Just then I heard a noise coming from the backyard and went to see what it was. As I was opening the back door, the  lights went out.

“Bugger” I curse under my breath.

I decide to walk to the fuse box to see if it was just a fuse. Just as I am at the fuse box, I hear footsteps behind me. Before I have a chance to turn around, I get hit in the head by something.

When I finally come to, I see a man dressed in a black hoodie holding a knife above my head. Just as I think it is all over, I hear a car driving to my driveway. Dylan was coming! I tried to  scream but no sound came out of my mouth. I start to panic as the man brings the knife to my throat.

 

Heaven Help the Guy Who Did Her Wrong

I could see something had changed the moment she walked in the bar. And so could most of the guys in the bar, I think there were even some wolf-whistles. When she sat in the same booth as me many of the guys looked disappointed. I, on the other hand, wanted to know what had brought this on.

“What would Mike say about what your wearing?” I asked, thinking of the possessive bastard that was my sister’s boyfriend.

“It’s none of his business since he saw fit to fuck my best friend” she said and motioned the bartender to our table.

“What?”

“Yeah, I came home a little early today since it was a slow day and found him in bed with Katie” she said just before the bartender came to our table. “I’ll take two tequila shots and a beer for starters. And he’ll take another beer” she told the bartender.

“He’s not worth the hangover”

“Whoever said I was looking for a hangover? I just need a good enough buzz to get my groove on while that bastard packs his shit and leaves” just as she finished her sentence, the door of the bar opened and in walked Mike. He saw us and walked straight to our table.

“Get out” I say as he stops next to our table.

“I want to talk to Jamie” he says.

“Well she doesn’t want to talk to you. Besides you should be packing your shit and getting the fuck out of my house” I say and start to stand up. I can see that he contemplates whether or not he could take me on. Finally he decides that he can’t and starts to leave.

“And you better not show your face around here anymore or I won’t guarantee you’ll leave in one piece”

When he leaves and I finally sit down again she says.

“Heaven help him if you ever see him again”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my baby sister”

“Like you said, he’s not worth going to jail for” she smiles.

Purpose

Purpose

Ever since I was little, my purpose has always been to lead my people. To follow in my father’s and grandfater’s steps. I can remember the endless strategy and battle training my grandfather had me go through since I was but a small child.

Then came a force greater than any of us could imagine and took our kingdom away from us and I was thrust into a world I knew nothing of. After my father disappeared and my mother perished, my purpose became to keep my younger siblings alive. I lived my life making sure my family and my people had everything they needed. We may not have been at our true home, but we were comfortable.

Then I had a chance to reclaim our homeland. It became my purpose to reclaim that land not only for me but for my nephews and my people who had suffered enough. On that guest, I met a remarkable person. I did not realize it then, but that person would become my world.

However, I lost that privilege when I became so consumed with the riches of my newly reclaimed kingdom that I almost threw the person I called my world to their death. At least I thought so, but once again my love surprised me. I was forgiven on what we both thought to be my death bed and when I woke up and found their forgiveness was not a figment of my imagination I wowed to make my lover the happiest person in the world. It became my purpose and I hope I have fulfilled it to the best of my abilities, because without that person, I would not be here today.

Scars

Scars

Every time I saw my reflection anywhere, I saw the scars. They reminded me of the day I almost lost everything. Even though I managed to keep my friends alive and even stay alive myself, I feel like I lost so much. While in my own culture I would be a pariah because of these scars, now I live in a culture that says the scars I carry prove that I have strength and I have brought honor to my family. While I knew this to be true, I still could not see the beauty hiding behind my mangled face.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was glad to have those scars. For if I hadn’t stepped between my beloved and that blade that made these ugly scars, he would not be alive. I just could not fathom how he could ever look at my face and see the person he used to see. If I couldn’t see past the scars, how could he? I couldn’t not see him but at the same time I didn’t want him to see me like this, so I only went to see him at night when he was sleeping. I hadn’t even seen any of my friends since the battle, too afraid of seeing the pity on their faces.

However, being a social person, this self-inflicted isolation has started to take it’s toll on me. I had become careless when I left my room. One time one of my friends saw me creep out of my room late in the evening and tried to engage me in a conversation. I answered with some grunts and fled as soon as I could. I could see the confusion on my friend’s face and I know my isolation was as painful to him as it was to me.

This was also the night I was caught by my beloved when I sneaked into his room.

“Well look who finally shows their face” I froze when I heard his voice from the bed. Luckily I had not stepped into the light just yet, so I chose to stay in the shadows so he would not see my face.

“Hey, why are you so far. Come here” he whispered.

“I’d rather stay here”

“Are yo so afraid of me?” he asked voice full of sorrow. And before I could say anything he continued. “I do not blame you, I would be afraid of me too if I were you. I understand if you can never forgive me”

“NO!” I panicked. I saw his face fall.

“I mean…I’m not afraid of you”

“Then why are you all the way over there and not next to me”

I mumbled my answer, hoping he would not hear me.

“Could you repeat that?”

“I just…I don’t want you to see my face and see what I see every time I see my reflection somewhere. I want your last sight of me to be the way I was before”

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused.

“The…The scars are so ugly. I don’t want you to see me and not like what you see anymore” I was holding back the tears now.

“I could never not like what I see when I look at you. I love you”

“How could you look at me and see past the scars when even I can’t see past them?”

“Because I’ve never seen your face when I look at you. I see your heart, your beautiful soul. Why would that suddenly change?”

“Because I’m ugly!” I shout and now the floodgates open and I’m crying hysterically.

“Come here. Let me comfort you” he says, his arms open wide.

“Just promise my you won’t look at my face” I get out amidst the sobs.

“I promise”

I walk towards his bed, hands covering my face, afraid he might break his promise. When I finally get to the bed, I lay down next to him and cry into his chest. He whispers sweet nothings into my ear but does not pressure me into showing my face. He knows it would only make me clam up even harder. It is that, more than anything else, that makes me lift my face for him to see after my sobs have subsided. He looks at my face like he always has, face full of adoration, maybe even more than before. After he’s taken it all in, he speaks.

“You know these scars will fade, they won’t be this visible forever. And they make you even more beautiful than you were”

“How?” I ask, not believing what he’s saying.

“Because they are a sign of how much you love me. There is no more visible sign than that. You were ready to sacrifice your life so I and my nephews could live. I am honored that a creature as pure as you could love someone like me that much. After how I treated you just hours before you still stepped in front of a blade for me. I couldn’t ask for more. So if you still love me, I would love for you to stay here and have you by my side for the rest of our lives. But only if you want to stay”

“Of course I wanna stay! I love you you silly man”

We’re All Gonna Die Someday

It had become a mantra for her. Every time she was doing something dangerous or risky, she would utter those words. Almost every time those words were accompanied by phrases such as “Why should I not enjoy my life while I can?” or “I don’t wanna be one of those people who in their last moments realize they didn’t live their life to the fullest”. She was a daredevil. And that’s why people gravitated towards her.

The first time she really understood the meaning of those words was on the saddest day of her life. It was the day her brother died in a hospital bed, weak, pale and surrounded by beeping machines. He had muttered those words to her every day since he got sick, usually accompanied by the words “But I’m not gonna die today”. Those words had been a promise that he wasn’t able to keep and she hated him for that. He had died too young, and she had promised him that she would live for the both of them. That was a promise she would keep if it killed her.

Unfortunately, it did. At least she died fulfilling her dream, that’s more than can be said about many people. So, I would like to suggest that we celebrate her life, not mourn her death.

Secrets

Secret

There are many things one could say about secrets, but whatever people think of secrets, it is human nature to have them. Whether big or small, secrets have away of coming out eventually.

To me, secrets are sacred. If you tell someone else’s secret to someone, you have betrayed the most sacred trust ever. If you cannot keep someone else’s secret, don’t expect that someone else to keep your secrets either. You have to be prepared to face the consequences of your actions.

Personally, I have some, not necessarily secrets, but things I don’t tell people about myself or my history. I don’t know if I make a conscious decision to not tell these things to people, it’s just easier to not talk about them and they are not necessarily relevant to my life as of now. Yes, they have made me the person I am, but at this stage of my life they are not important enough to tell people that will not necessarily stay in my life that long. If the people stay in my life long enough, or I feel it is relevant to tell them, I will.

I think I am an honest and trustworthy person. When somebody tells me a secret, I will not tell it to anyone. I wouldn’t want other people to tell my secrets so I offer them the same courtesy. If someone deems me trustworthy enough to tell their secrets to, I will respect that trust and I hope the people I tell my secrets to will do the same. Tell my secrets to other people and you have my wrath to live with. And it will not be pretty.