10 Things That Make Me Happy

    1. My family

    I love my family. No matter how much I say I dislike them at the moment, I know they love me and I hope they love me. Their happiness makes me happy. Even just talking to them can brighten up my day. Just as well as it can also make my day worse. Sometimes I can’t stand them, but all the same, I love them and they make me really happy.

    2. My friends

    My friends, like my family can sometimes drive me absolutely mental. However, they are the people that also make me smile and laugh when I think I can’t. Without my friends I would be lonely and I am eternally thankful for meeting each and every one of them. They know I am obnoxious, loud and don’t care what other people think about me and yet they still tolerate me and my nerdy fangirling.

    3. Tintti (My cat)

    She’s the most precious little furball there ever was. She’s also my first pet, so she will always have a special place in my heart. She turns 9 this year and I have loved all my years with her and will love all the years I yet have with her. I may not have her with me where I live because I live in a student house that does not allow pets. Plus, she would NOT appreciate the 8+ hour train/bus ride it takes to get to my hometown from here. The distance makes the time I have with her whenever I visit my parents all the more precious.

    4. Knitting and Crocheting

    Like most people know, I love handcrafts, but especially knitting and crochet. There is always new things to learn and new patterns to try. Plus, whenever I give something I’ve made by my own hands to a friend or a family member, it fills me with joy and pride when they love whatever I have made. And it is the best way for me to be creative besides writing.

    5. Writing

    Just like handcrafts, writing is something I do to be creative. I love to write and whether it is a blog post, just for my own amusement or fanfiction, writing always gives me some piece of mind. It is a way for me to deal with my emotions and feelings. My writing usually reflects my state of mind when I’m writing. Or then I just have an inspiration that I am afraid I’ll lose if I don’t write it down somewhere. Other people’s feedback and comments on my writing always make me happy.

    6. Music

    Music is one of those things that reflects my mood. When I’m happy, I listen to happy music and when I’m sad I listen to sad music. When I am angry or frustrated at or because of something or someone I listen to what I like to call “örinämusaa”. Basically it is music that reflects my state of mind either by the melody or the lyrics, more often than not both. Bands such as Three Days Grace and Breaking Benjamin are some of my go-to’s when I’m in this sort of mood. However, music also has the ability to make me smile. Sometimes when I’m sad, I’ll listen to a song I love and I feel a lot better instantly.

    7. Nature

    I love nature. Some may say I’m a nature hippie and that might be true. While I have lived in a city my whole life, my grandparents lived, and my grandmother still lives, in the country side. Their home is right beside a river and a forest. When I was a child I always loved visiting my grandparents because I got to run around in nature. Nowadays walking in the forest right behind my grandmother’s house makes me feel connected not only to nature, but to my late grandfather. Being in nature calms me and I love the sights and sounds of a forest or running water. If I could, I would live somewhere surrounded by nature with as many animals as I could gather.

    8. Animals

    I love animals. No animal is too big or too scary to me. My friends find endless amount in the excitement I show when I talk about animals or even visit a zoo with countless animals. While I like people, I simply adore animals. They offer you companionship without the stress of having to be pleasant all the time. I guess that’s just the antisocial me talking but I prefer the company of animals to people. They don’t judge me and I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not to them.

    9. Binge-watching anime

    I love anime and binge watching is something I usually do with a dear friend of mine. We usually just sit and watch anime for hours and talk nonsense and knit or crochet. It’s awesome.

    10.Books

    I love books. I have so many and I can’t get enough. I am an avid reader and I try to read pretty much everything but I love Detective stories and Fantasy. Whenever I get my hands on a new book I just shiver with anticipation of the adventures the book will take me on.

30 Day Writing Challenge

I hopefully found a way to inspire myself to write at least semi-regularly. I was browsing pinterest when I came across several 30 day writing challenges. I thought that would be a good idea. Although, I am being realistic, I will not be able to write every day but I intend to write about all of the 30 days and will try and do so at least once a week. So, if this keeps up I should be finished with the challenge at the latest in week 35, so lets see how well I do with this.

I will post my first entry after this entry.

Purpose

Purpose

Ever since I was little, my purpose has always been to lead my people. To follow in my father’s and grandfater’s steps. I can remember the endless strategy and battle training my grandfather had me go through since I was but a small child.

Then came a force greater than any of us could imagine and took our kingdom away from us and I was thrust into a world I knew nothing of. After my father disappeared and my mother perished, my purpose became to keep my younger siblings alive. I lived my life making sure my family and my people had everything they needed. We may not have been at our true home, but we were comfortable.

Then I had a chance to reclaim our homeland. It became my purpose to reclaim that land not only for me but for my nephews and my people who had suffered enough. On that guest, I met a remarkable person. I did not realize it then, but that person would become my world.

However, I lost that privilege when I became so consumed with the riches of my newly reclaimed kingdom that I almost threw the person I called my world to their death. At least I thought so, but once again my love surprised me. I was forgiven on what we both thought to be my death bed and when I woke up and found their forgiveness was not a figment of my imagination I wowed to make my lover the happiest person in the world. It became my purpose and I hope I have fulfilled it to the best of my abilities, because without that person, I would not be here today.

Scars

Scars

Every time I saw my reflection anywhere, I saw the scars. They reminded me of the day I almost lost everything. Even though I managed to keep my friends alive and even stay alive myself, I feel like I lost so much. While in my own culture I would be a pariah because of these scars, now I live in a culture that says the scars I carry prove that I have strength and I have brought honor to my family. While I knew this to be true, I still could not see the beauty hiding behind my mangled face.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was glad to have those scars. For if I hadn’t stepped between my beloved and that blade that made these ugly scars, he would not be alive. I just could not fathom how he could ever look at my face and see the person he used to see. If I couldn’t see past the scars, how could he? I couldn’t not see him but at the same time I didn’t want him to see me like this, so I only went to see him at night when he was sleeping. I hadn’t even seen any of my friends since the battle, too afraid of seeing the pity on their faces.

However, being a social person, this self-inflicted isolation has started to take it’s toll on me. I had become careless when I left my room. One time one of my friends saw me creep out of my room late in the evening and tried to engage me in a conversation. I answered with some grunts and fled as soon as I could. I could see the confusion on my friend’s face and I know my isolation was as painful to him as it was to me.

This was also the night I was caught by my beloved when I sneaked into his room.

“Well look who finally shows their face” I froze when I heard his voice from the bed. Luckily I had not stepped into the light just yet, so I chose to stay in the shadows so he would not see my face.

“Hey, why are you so far. Come here” he whispered.

“I’d rather stay here”

“Are yo so afraid of me?” he asked voice full of sorrow. And before I could say anything he continued. “I do not blame you, I would be afraid of me too if I were you. I understand if you can never forgive me”

“NO!” I panicked. I saw his face fall.

“I mean…I’m not afraid of you”

“Then why are you all the way over there and not next to me”

I mumbled my answer, hoping he would not hear me.

“Could you repeat that?”

“I just…I don’t want you to see my face and see what I see every time I see my reflection somewhere. I want your last sight of me to be the way I was before”

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused.

“The…The scars are so ugly. I don’t want you to see me and not like what you see anymore” I was holding back the tears now.

“I could never not like what I see when I look at you. I love you”

“How could you look at me and see past the scars when even I can’t see past them?”

“Because I’ve never seen your face when I look at you. I see your heart, your beautiful soul. Why would that suddenly change?”

“Because I’m ugly!” I shout and now the floodgates open and I’m crying hysterically.

“Come here. Let me comfort you” he says, his arms open wide.

“Just promise my you won’t look at my face” I get out amidst the sobs.

“I promise”

I walk towards his bed, hands covering my face, afraid he might break his promise. When I finally get to the bed, I lay down next to him and cry into his chest. He whispers sweet nothings into my ear but does not pressure me into showing my face. He knows it would only make me clam up even harder. It is that, more than anything else, that makes me lift my face for him to see after my sobs have subsided. He looks at my face like he always has, face full of adoration, maybe even more than before. After he’s taken it all in, he speaks.

“You know these scars will fade, they won’t be this visible forever. And they make you even more beautiful than you were”

“How?” I ask, not believing what he’s saying.

“Because they are a sign of how much you love me. There is no more visible sign than that. You were ready to sacrifice your life so I and my nephews could live. I am honored that a creature as pure as you could love someone like me that much. After how I treated you just hours before you still stepped in front of a blade for me. I couldn’t ask for more. So if you still love me, I would love for you to stay here and have you by my side for the rest of our lives. But only if you want to stay”

“Of course I wanna stay! I love you you silly man”

Secrets

Secret

There are many things one could say about secrets, but whatever people think of secrets, it is human nature to have them. Whether big or small, secrets have away of coming out eventually.

To me, secrets are sacred. If you tell someone else’s secret to someone, you have betrayed the most sacred trust ever. If you cannot keep someone else’s secret, don’t expect that someone else to keep your secrets either. You have to be prepared to face the consequences of your actions.

Personally, I have some, not necessarily secrets, but things I don’t tell people about myself or my history. I don’t know if I make a conscious decision to not tell these things to people, it’s just easier to not talk about them and they are not necessarily relevant to my life as of now. Yes, they have made me the person I am, but at this stage of my life they are not important enough to tell people that will not necessarily stay in my life that long. If the people stay in my life long enough, or I feel it is relevant to tell them, I will.

I think I am an honest and trustworthy person. When somebody tells me a secret, I will not tell it to anyone. I wouldn’t want other people to tell my secrets so I offer them the same courtesy. If someone deems me trustworthy enough to tell their secrets to, I will respect that trust and I hope the people I tell my secrets to will do the same. Tell my secrets to other people and you have my wrath to live with. And it will not be pretty.

It’d be Easier to Leave if I Were Mad

I actually failed my promise to write every week right at the start, but fear not, I’m back.

This times headline is from the song Desiree by Keith Urban, one of my favorite artists.

I know I should be mad at you for what you did, but I just can’t. I’m too exhausted. I cried the whole night. I still love you more than anything. But I just can’t stay. You knew what I thought about cheating and still you thought I’d forgive you because you told me yourself. If you thought that would solve everything, you never knew me as well as I thought you did. I started to pack quickly because I wanted to be gone before you woke up.And I nearly succeeded. But just as I came back from the bathroom, you were standing in the doorway.

“Please don’t go” you whisper.

“You know I can’t stay” I sigh.

“Why?”

“Because you cheated”

“But it didn’t mean anything!”

“It means something to me”

“What does it mean to you?”

“That you don’t love me enough”

“Enough to what?”

“To not cheat. You know what I think about cheatining”

“Yeah. You don’t love if you cheat”

“Precisely”

“But it was just a weak moment. You were gone for nearly a month!”

“Oh so now it’s my fault?!”

“No. It’s just…”

“You see, you can’t even defend yourself. I’m leaving” I say and pick up my suitcases.

“Please…I can’t live without you” you plead.

“Well, you should’ve thought about that BEFORE you cheated” I spit from between my teeth and push him away from the door.

“I’ll be back to pick up the rest of my stuff” I say as I open the front door.

As I walk to my car, I try to hold back the fresh batch of tears stinging in my eyes. As I get in my car, I finally let the tears fall freely. I can feel him watching me from behind the curtains on the bedroom window. I can’t look at the house or I will surely go back. And I can’t go back. No matter how much I know he didn’t mean it and I know he loves me. But I just can’t. Because you cheated on me and if I know anything it is that you will do it again. And I can’t let you break my heart because I’m afraid I’d never get it patched up again.

Because you’re my One…But I guess I wasn’t yours…

It Takes a Lot of Courage to Stand up to Your Enemies, But a Great Deal More to Stand up to Your Friends

Quote Me

I’m sensing a theme here with the Dumbledore quotes.

Although I chose this one, I can’t say this is the only great quote, it’s just the first that came to my mind.

This is one of my favorite quotes for many reasons. It reminds me that it is okay to not always agree with my friends. I have strong opinions and I’m not afraid to voice them. If I sometimes find myself doubting myself in the face of my friends having differing opinions to mine, I remember these words.

Although the difference in opinion may create some bad feelings between us for a little while, I believe it will strengthen our friendship. And that is what I feel is the soul of this quote. That you may be afraid to stand up for what you believe in before your ‘enemies’ but in the end, their opinions do not matter but you will be even more afraid to stand against your friends because theirs does. But in the end, the leap of faith you take when standing up to your friends will pay up in the end because they are your friends and they love you.

Another reason why I love this quote is the tone it sets for Neville in Harry Potter. A boy who does not believe in himself gets recognition for once in his life and it gives him courage to be better. Even though he is awkward, clumsy and not that great in school, somebody recognizes he has potential. It also gives him the first validation for why he got sorted into Gryffindor.

These are some of the reasons why I love this quote.

One Can Never Have Enough Socks

I know I said I would write fiction in my prompts but I came across this Dumbledore quote and could not pass it up. I agree with Dumbledore wholeheartedly.

As some of you may know, I live in Finland. Finland is a cold country. The winters here can be quite cold. Although I don’t get cold that easily, I love the excuse  to use wool socks. I have like dozens of them.

I start the use of wool socks in the autumn, when it gets so cold that I couldn’t wear my converse without the socks in them. My use continues all through winter and into spring.

They are so useful. I can use them in the evening when I’ve taken a shower and don’t want to put clean socks on but still don’t want my feet to get cold. But basically I wear them all the time. During the days on top of my normal socks and when it’s really cold outside in my shoes to keep my little bitty feet warm. And even at school, while sitting in class, I take off my shoes and put on my wool socks.

Since I study in a different city than my parents and go back there a couple times a year I have a stash at my place and at my parent’s place. This is one reason why I have so many. I also like to knit new ones so basically each year I make at least to new pairs for myself 🙂

So, unlike many other young people I am delighted at Christmas if I get a package that has new socks in it. And it’s not only because I love to get new wool socks but also because I know the effort and love you have to put in the knitting of those socks.