I Know You’re Never Coming Back

Today I went to our tree, I sat there for the longest time and could almost feel you next to me. A couple times I could have sworn I heard your voice whisper in my ear, but every time I looked around, you were nowhere to be seen. Many people passed by, but they didn’t give me a second glance. I could still clearly see the heart we carved into the tree. I tried to get closer to you by climbing to sit on the branch we used to sit on.

On my way back home I walked by the graveyard, so I decided that I’d come and visit. You know, tell you how I’m doing. And to remind myself of the fact that you’re never coming back.

Because, I do know you’re never coming back, but I still can’t help but perk up every time my phone rings or the door opens, waiting for you to come through. I still watch all of our favorite shows and when I hear a good song all I wanna do is tell you about it. I miss my best friend. I wish I could believe that we will see each other again someday. But since I don’t believe in God or afterlife, I know I will never see you again.

I wish I could just get my heart to listen to my brain, because it hurts so bad.

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It’d be Easier to Leave if I Were Mad

I actually failed my promise to write every week right at the start, but fear not, I’m back.

This times headline is from the song Desiree by Keith Urban, one of my favorite artists.

I know I should be mad at you for what you did, but I just can’t. I’m too exhausted. I cried the whole night. I still love you more than anything. But I just can’t stay. You knew what I thought about cheating and still you thought I’d forgive you because you told me yourself. If you thought that would solve everything, you never knew me as well as I thought you did. I started to pack quickly because I wanted to be gone before you woke up.And I nearly succeeded. But just as I came back from the bathroom, you were standing in the doorway.

“Please don’t go” you whisper.

“You know I can’t stay” I sigh.

“Why?”

“Because you cheated”

“But it didn’t mean anything!”

“It means something to me”

“What does it mean to you?”

“That you don’t love me enough”

“Enough to what?”

“To not cheat. You know what I think about cheatining”

“Yeah. You don’t love if you cheat”

“Precisely”

“But it was just a weak moment. You were gone for nearly a month!”

“Oh so now it’s my fault?!”

“No. It’s just…”

“You see, you can’t even defend yourself. I’m leaving” I say and pick up my suitcases.

“Please…I can’t live without you” you plead.

“Well, you should’ve thought about that BEFORE you cheated” I spit from between my teeth and push him away from the door.

“I’ll be back to pick up the rest of my stuff” I say as I open the front door.

As I walk to my car, I try to hold back the fresh batch of tears stinging in my eyes. As I get in my car, I finally let the tears fall freely. I can feel him watching me from behind the curtains on the bedroom window. I can’t look at the house or I will surely go back. And I can’t go back. No matter how much I know he didn’t mean it and I know he loves me. But I just can’t. Because you cheated on me and if I know anything it is that you will do it again. And I can’t let you break my heart because I’m afraid I’d never get it patched up again.

Because you’re my One…But I guess I wasn’t yours…