Today I’m supposed to share something I struggle with. This is a hard one.

At the moment, I struggle with keeping myself motivated in my studies. It is nearing the summer holidays and I find it hard to find the motivation to finish my last assignments. Especially since one of those assignments is my BA thesis.

I just don’t have the motivation and don’t know where to get it. I will have to finish all the assignments sooner or later but I just somehow don’t have the motivation. I think it is mostly because it’s so close to summer and it has been a tough year of studying and I would love for it to just be over already.

I will just have to find the motivation somewhere. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for that.

I apologize that this was not more deep.

Five Places I Want to Visit

1.The Great Barrier Reef

This is just one of many places in Australia I wish to visit one day. The reason why lies in the biology nerd that lives inside me. It is such a hot spot for different animals and plants that it would be totally awesome to see. Besides, it is one of those places that will not be there for long if humanity continues to live the way it does.

2.London

I’ve never been, even though it was in my plans last summer when I was in Great Britain for two months. However, we were in Scotland, and the trip would have taken a long time and a lot of money, so I decided I could wait. There are so many things I would love to see in London; Big Ben, London Eye, Baker Street, etc. Also, when I someday get to visit, one thing I will do without a doubt, is go see Mousetrap.

3. Japan

I have always wanted to visit Japan during the time when the cherry trees are in blossom. I also love many things about Japanese culture. I would love to eat actual authentic Japanese sushi and miso soup. I would also love to put my language skills to good use. After all, I have been studying Japanese as my minor in University for two years now.

4. Masai Mara

I would love to see the great savanna and all the great animals that live there. It would be a great experience for the animal-lover in me. Plus it would feed my sense of adventure.

5. Hawaii

I would love to learn to surf one day and since it is not possible in Finland, what better place than Hawaii. Although I would settle for Australia or California, but lets go with Hawaii. There are also many other things I would love to see in Hawaii. It is such a unique place and the culture fascinates me. Also the connection with Elvis is one thing that intrigues me. My mother is a huge Elvis fan so that would be a good place to go with my mum.

Pet Peeves

I’m now supposed to write about my top three pet peeves, so here it goes.

1.Being overly-friendly

I am a somewhat antisocial person, so I dislike people who seem overly friendly. Don’t get me wrong, I love people who are friendly, but there is such thing as too friendly in my book. One of my roommates is this kind of person, she always wants to talk to people and often when I come home and she’s home she comes to the door and asks “Did you have a long day?” or “How was your day?”. This would be okay to me on occasion, but not every fricking time I come home. It gets tiresome. Sometimes I just wish I was not raised to be a polite person so I could actually say to her “Well, it’s seven PM and I just got home, what do you think?” However, my parents raised a polite person so I have not so far said that. When somebody seems to try too hard to be friendly, I just don’t like it.

 

2. Not having any sort of awareness of other people and their boundaries.

Another trait I loathe. I am not the most aware person in the world, but even I can read people when they are in a bad mood or have had a bad day. I know to leave them alone then and not pester them. I am also aware of personal space and how some people have it and some people don’t. I have met several people who do not understand the concept of personal space. It is annoying. I also dislike the way some people do not take into account the people around them in their everyday life. For example, speaking overly loudly in an apartment that has thin walls in the morning when other people are sleeping.

3.People complaining about my loud voice

It’s not my fault that most people seem to think that I speak loudly. I know I speak loudly, however, I am not shouting, I just speak with a higher volume than most people. Nothing aggravates me more than when people tell me not to shout, because I do not shout. It’s not my fault that other people speak like teeny tiny mouses. If one politely asks me to speak more quietly, I will, but if one makes the mistake of telling me that I shout, I will not be so kind.

 

You Always Wear Such Bright Clothes

And here I have once again broken a promise of writing once a week but I will try and be better. Here is a new entry to my 30 day challenge.

The second entry was to be to write about something that somebody said to me and I never forgot. This is something that my brother-in-law once said to me. At the time he was only my sister’s boyfriend. I had bought myself a “Svea”-hat and he said: “I am disappointed in you for buying such a teenager piece of clothes. You always wear such bright clothes and now you’ve given into the pressures of being a teenager.”

I did not see it as an insult. I chose to concentrate on the part where he was proud of me usually being brave enough to wear clothes that make me stick out in a crowd. I love colors and to this date I wear brightly colored clothes. And contrary to his belief, I did not buy the hat because it was popular among people my age at the time, I bought it because I liked the shape and texture of the hat.

I have since lost the hat, but these words always stayed with me.

 

10 Things That Make Me Happy

    1. My family

    I love my family. No matter how much I say I dislike them at the moment, I know they love me and I hope they love me. Their happiness makes me happy. Even just talking to them can brighten up my day. Just as well as it can also make my day worse. Sometimes I can’t stand them, but all the same, I love them and they make me really happy.

    2. My friends

    My friends, like my family can sometimes drive me absolutely mental. However, they are the people that also make me smile and laugh when I think I can’t. Without my friends I would be lonely and I am eternally thankful for meeting each and every one of them. They know I am obnoxious, loud and don’t care what other people think about me and yet they still tolerate me and my nerdy fangirling.

    3. Tintti (My cat)

    She’s the most precious little furball there ever was. She’s also my first pet, so she will always have a special place in my heart. She turns 9 this year and I have loved all my years with her and will love all the years I yet have with her. I may not have her with me where I live because I live in a student house that does not allow pets. Plus, she would NOT appreciate the 8+ hour train/bus ride it takes to get to my hometown from here. The distance makes the time I have with her whenever I visit my parents all the more precious.

    4. Knitting and Crocheting

    Like most people know, I love handcrafts, but especially knitting and crochet. There is always new things to learn and new patterns to try. Plus, whenever I give something I’ve made by my own hands to a friend or a family member, it fills me with joy and pride when they love whatever I have made. And it is the best way for me to be creative besides writing.

    5. Writing

    Just like handcrafts, writing is something I do to be creative. I love to write and whether it is a blog post, just for my own amusement or fanfiction, writing always gives me some piece of mind. It is a way for me to deal with my emotions and feelings. My writing usually reflects my state of mind when I’m writing. Or then I just have an inspiration that I am afraid I’ll lose if I don’t write it down somewhere. Other people’s feedback and comments on my writing always make me happy.

    6. Music

    Music is one of those things that reflects my mood. When I’m happy, I listen to happy music and when I’m sad I listen to sad music. When I am angry or frustrated at or because of something or someone I listen to what I like to call “örinämusaa”. Basically it is music that reflects my state of mind either by the melody or the lyrics, more often than not both. Bands such as Three Days Grace and Breaking Benjamin are some of my go-to’s when I’m in this sort of mood. However, music also has the ability to make me smile. Sometimes when I’m sad, I’ll listen to a song I love and I feel a lot better instantly.

    7. Nature

    I love nature. Some may say I’m a nature hippie and that might be true. While I have lived in a city my whole life, my grandparents lived, and my grandmother still lives, in the country side. Their home is right beside a river and a forest. When I was a child I always loved visiting my grandparents because I got to run around in nature. Nowadays walking in the forest right behind my grandmother’s house makes me feel connected not only to nature, but to my late grandfather. Being in nature calms me and I love the sights and sounds of a forest or running water. If I could, I would live somewhere surrounded by nature with as many animals as I could gather.

    8. Animals

    I love animals. No animal is too big or too scary to me. My friends find endless amount in the excitement I show when I talk about animals or even visit a zoo with countless animals. While I like people, I simply adore animals. They offer you companionship without the stress of having to be pleasant all the time. I guess that’s just the antisocial me talking but I prefer the company of animals to people. They don’t judge me and I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not to them.

    9. Binge-watching anime

    I love anime and binge watching is something I usually do with a dear friend of mine. We usually just sit and watch anime for hours and talk nonsense and knit or crochet. It’s awesome.

    10.Books

    I love books. I have so many and I can’t get enough. I am an avid reader and I try to read pretty much everything but I love Detective stories and Fantasy. Whenever I get my hands on a new book I just shiver with anticipation of the adventures the book will take me on.

30 Day Writing Challenge

I hopefully found a way to inspire myself to write at least semi-regularly. I was browsing pinterest when I came across several 30 day writing challenges. I thought that would be a good idea. Although, I am being realistic, I will not be able to write every day but I intend to write about all of the 30 days and will try and do so at least once a week. So, if this keeps up I should be finished with the challenge at the latest in week 35, so lets see how well I do with this.

I will post my first entry after this entry.

You Never Wanted Me

It had all been a lie. Marcus can’t believe he fell for such an obvious lie. But I guess anyone could have gotten distracted by the pretty girl spinning those lies. He blames himself for losing his focus. Well, he’ll just has to do some extra work to make up for the time he lost chasing a dream of a pretty girl loving him. It will not take long, what will take time however, is gaining his self-respect back. Although I will help him the best I can.

The other kids in high school would never let him live this down. He was a loser kid who had thought a popular girl would actually care about him. Here’s how it all happened:

It all started rather slowly, first came the smiles and random acts of kindness to a boy who was used to being ignored by the popular kids. She started smiling at him when they passed each other on the halls or when they caught each others eye in class. At first he tried to ignore it, but when she didn’t stop, he finally smiled back.

That was like an invitation not only to the girl to sit next to him or speak to him, but for the popular kids to pick on him. And he had done such a lovely job of not getting picked on since freshman year. For a long time he thought the time spent with her was worth the bullying but then, one day he heard a conversation between two of her friends.

“I don’t believe she gives that loser the time of day”

“I know! I mean she needs to stop or she’ll damage her reputation”

He had never thought of the impact their tentative friendship would have on her, he’d been too focused on himself. Now he was a nice person, even though he loved those little moments spent with her, he didn’t want her to become a pariah among her friends just for hanging out with him. He was ready to sacrifice his happiness for her to have her reputation. The next time she tried to talk to him, he ignored him.

The final nail to his coffin was when she told him that she didn’t care about her reputation, that he was worth more. That was the moment he started to fall for her. And that was his doom.

They started to hang out more and more and soon he was totally besotted with her. She seemed to like him too, and that is why he trusted her when she asked him to come to a party with her.She even took him shopping when he admitted he had nothing to wear.

When he got to the party, wearing the blue button-up and jeans he had bought with her, he went on a search for her. He did find her, however, it was not what he had expected. There she was, talking to the biggest bully of them all. And that wasn’t all, she was kissing him!

“You know you did a brilliant job convincing the loser that you like him” the guy says when they come up for air. That was all Marcus needed to hear, so he started to make his way toward the door.

He had hoped to make a clear exit, with no one noticing him, but of course that didn’t happen.The other bullies must have spotted him making his way out, because they came to stand before him, blocking his way. He tried not to make a scene, but the guys weren’t having any of it.

“Look who’s here” one of them, Jake, said as he took a handful of Marcus’ shirt in his fist.

“Yeah, it’s the loser who has a puppy crush on Jamie” another, called Tom, snorted.

“Did you actually think that a girl like her would see something in a guy like you” this earned a laugh from some of the other kids gathered around them by now.

They ridiculed him for a while more, until he saw her standing in the group and yanked himself free from Jake’s grip and the he just ran, ran out the house and all the way home.

The next day at school, he kept a low profile, up until the end of the school day when Jamie finally cornered her in front of his locker.

“Marcus, please let me explain” she pleads.

“What?! That you were just playing a cruel practical joke on me? That you never wanted me!” he shouts and pushes her away before he runs away.

He didn’t let anyone see his tears, well, anyone except me.

 

 

Your Lips Taste Like Sangria

Tonight is the night I will finally do it. I had promised I’d make my move and today I would finally do it. I had waited for years, and tonight the wait would finally be over, for better or worse. When this night is over I’ll either have the girl of my dreams or I’ll have lost my best friend for good.

I look at her, laughing with her girlfriends. She’s so beautiful, I can’t even find the right words to describe her. She looks my way and waves me over. I go, and soon I’m emerged in a group of laughing girls.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with us girls all on your own. The guys were supposed to be here already” she says as I reach her.

“I don’t mind as long as I’m with you” I answer.

“Aww, that’s so sweet” I faintly hear one of the girls gush behind me.

“Thanks for being here. I know you have a lot of work to do”

“It’s your birthday, of course I’m here” I smile.

Our chat is cut short by the guys coming through the door quite loudly. As the guys gave their greetings to her, I got roped into a game of darts and it was many hours before I had the next chance to talk to my best friend. I was celebrating my win over all the guys when she finally found me again in the crowded bar.

“You won!” I can hear from her voice that she’s a little tipsy.

“Guess I did, now where’s my price?” I joke.

“What would you like for your price?” was she flirting with me?

“Would a kiss be too much?” I ask, and she doesn’t even bother to answer me, she just kisses me on the lips.

“Your lips taste like sangria” I say as we finally pull out of the kiss.

“Yours taste like beer” she says, smiling and kisses me again.

“I love you” I finally let myself be honest after we pull apart again.

 

 

I Know You’re Never Coming Back

Today I went to our tree, I sat there for the longest time and could almost feel you next to me. A couple times I could have sworn I heard your voice whisper in my ear, but every time I looked around, you were nowhere to be seen. Many people passed by, but they didn’t give me a second glance. I could still clearly see the heart we carved into the tree. I tried to get closer to you by climbing to sit on the branch we used to sit on.

On my way back home I walked by the graveyard, so I decided that I’d come and visit. You know, tell you how I’m doing. And to remind myself of the fact that you’re never coming back.

Because, I do know you’re never coming back, but I still can’t help but perk up every time my phone rings or the door opens, waiting for you to come through. I still watch all of our favorite shows and when I hear a good song all I wanna do is tell you about it. I miss my best friend. I wish I could believe that we will see each other again someday. But since I don’t believe in God or afterlife, I know I will never see you again.

I wish I could just get my heart to listen to my brain, because it hurts so bad.

I Could be There in Five

“You know I could be there in five if you need me to” Dylan said on the phone.

“I don’t  know..”

“You sound like your upset. I’d be an awful brother if I didn’t come”

“I don’t want to be a bother”

“You’re not a bother. I’ll be there in five” he says and hangs up the phone.

It’s late, so I’m already wearing my PJ’s but I’m not gonna change because Dylan’s my brother and he doesn’t care. I decide to put the kettle on while I wait for him to arrive. After I put the kettle on, I sat in my armchair and read a book. As the kettle whistled, I started to wonder where Dylan was. Just then I heard a noise coming from the backyard and went to see what it was. As I was opening the back door, the  lights went out.

“Bugger” I curse under my breath.

I decide to walk to the fuse box to see if it was just a fuse. Just as I am at the fuse box, I hear footsteps behind me. Before I have a chance to turn around, I get hit in the head by something.

When I finally come to, I see a man dressed in a black hoodie holding a knife above my head. Just as I think it is all over, I hear a car driving to my driveway. Dylan was coming! I tried to  scream but no sound came out of my mouth. I start to panic as the man brings the knife to my throat.